Bailee Ray 1.0

Dear Bailee,

I am going to attempt something that I should have started a long time ago.  I want so badly to write a journal for you so that you always know how special you are.  I first want to tell you how amazing it is being your dad.  I have enjoyed every moment of your short life.  The time has flown by so fast.  You are growing up and are becoming too cute for your own good!  I love you so much Bailee, more than you will ever know.

Your Mom wanted to a baby a long time before she became pregnant with you.  We would get ready for bed, and she would tell me that she felt like it was time to start a family.  I had my concerns.  I wasn’t sure if your Mom’s back would be strong enough yet to carry a baby.  We weren’t in the best financial situation, and things were pretty tight.  Your Mom kept feeling like it was time, so we prayed about it and started trying.

Months had past with no results.  Mom started to get concerned, but we stayed positive.  I can’t tell you the exact day you were conceived, but I can tell you how we found out.

Your Aunt K had just announced that she was expecting.  Your Mom was so excited for her, but wished that it were she that was pregnant.  Your Mom talked to Grandma K, and she said we should take a pregnancy test just to see if there was a possibility that we were pregnant.  We went to the dollar store and bought a really cheap test.  We went home, and your mom took the test….

NOT PREGNANT

Mom talked to Grandma K again, and Grandma K told her to try again in a couple of weeks.  Your Mom started to act really funny the next couple of weeks.  She started to crave things she didn’t even like before.  She asked me one morning if I could make some Spam for her, something she HATED a few months earlier.  I started to have my suspicions that possibly she could be pregnant.  We bought a better, more expensive pregnancy test the second time around.

I waited outside the bathroom as Mom took the test.  She acted like it was a normal every day activity.  When she was done, she placed the test on the counter, and went to the kitchen to grab something to eat.  I stood there in silence awaiting the response of the test.  Never in my life did time seem to stand still like it did in those brief moments.  I had so many thoughts rushing through my head all at once.  I worried that we weren’t ready yet to have a baby.  I started to think of our financial situation, and our health.  Little did I know, but I was actually saying a quiet prayer in my heart.

The test beeped…

PREGNANT

I stood over the test in silence waiting for it to change or something, but it never did.  Your Mom entered the bathroom at that moment and looked over my shoulder.  We both just stood there in silence.  Mom picked up the test and smiled a HUGE smile.  We hugged and kissed, and Mom went to grab the phone so we could call your grandparents.

I stayed in the bathroom in shock.  I was excited and nervous all at the same time.  I didn’t know how to react.  Mom came in the bathroom again, and asked me if I was excited…I didn’t know what to say.  I think that worried Mom.  I put my arms around her and told her how much I loved her, and how excited I was that we were going to be parents.  She kissed me again, and we called our parents.

That night I kept rubbing your Mom’s belly.  I couldn’t believe that you were actually in there.  I wanted to know who you were in that moment.  I could almost picture you, beautiful and smiling.  I laid awake that night giving thanks to Heavenly Father for the opportunity to be a parent.  I felt the responsibility right away.  I knew I had a lot of work to do before you got here.

Love,

Dad