There are some nights you wish you could forget.
August 25, 2011 is one of those nights.
All we wanted to do was show Mitch a good time before he got married.
Let’s just say we bit off a little more than we could chew.
Let me start from the beginning:
11:30pm
Mitch arrives at the house. He is happy but looks a little tired. His life as a bachelor will be ending tomorrow morning at 11:00am, and it’s up to Brenden, Colin and I to make sure his last night is one he will never forget.
Our Mother-in-law warns us all to be good and to make sure we return Mitch in one piece.
What did she think we were going to do? How much trouble could you get into at 11:30pm in Provo, Utah? Mitch was as good as safe.
We all say good-bye to our significant others, and make our way out to the car. Before we are allowed to get in, Brenden asks us all if he can read a poem he wrote. I think it is pretty weird, but we all agree anyway. He pulls a crumpled paper out of his jeans and begins to read his poem:
Wolf Pack
Maeser was the lone wolf
Then I came along
We were two wolves in a pack
Many moons passed, just the two of us in our little pack
Maeser and Brenden – wolf pack
Then came Bliss – the pack grew from 2 to 3
We were a happy pack
Finally a new wolf has decided to join our pack of 3
We let him
Now our pack is 4
Measer, Brenden, Colin & Mitch
He wipes a tear from his eye as he finishes his poem.
No one says a word.
What a weird poem.
Finally Brenden breaks the silence by opening his car door and pulling out a grocery bag. In the bag are 4 drinks. I’ve never heard of the drink, but Brenden assures us it is soda pop from Wyoming. After all, how bad could the soda pop be in Wyoming?
We each take a can. The name on the can says “Dr. Love”. I am assuming it is a knock off of Dr. Pepper. I open my can slowly and smell the inside. Sure enough, smells just like Dr. Pepper. We each raise our cans in the air for a toast.
“To the newest member of our wolf pack,” Brenden says hitting his can against mine.
We all take a drink.
“Let’s go have some fun!” I say wiping my mouth. The carbonation is burning my throat.
We all hop into Brenden’s car.
3:30am
“My head,” Colin is moaning – at least I think it is Colin. I open my eyes to see Colin throwing up. He isn’t wearing a shirt, and it appears as if he is wearing a tribal skirt. I smell his vomit, and instantly my stomach hurts.
“Guys, where are the car keys?” Brenden asks searching in some bushes above my head. I turn to look at him, but a sharp pain in my head forces me to lay back down. I rub my eyes, and open them again. All I see are stars. I look down a little bit and see a city full of lights. Where in the heck are we?
“Seriously, where are my keys?” Brenden is now looking in another bush. He is also wearing what looks like a tribal skirt. He looks like an Indian warrior or something.
I sit up quickly. I’m not wearing a shirt either. I am wearing the same outfit as the others. I look around and realize Colin, Brenden and I are sitting on the Y at BYU. I look out over the view and wonder how in the world we ended up at the Y dressed the way we were. I didn’t even remember climbing, let along getting out of the car. I rub my eyes again.
“I am so sick,” Colin says sitting on the top right corner of the Y. I’m not sure he realizes where we are.
I get up and look around me. I see Brenden and Colin. Where is Mitch? I walk over to Brenden. He is laying in a bush with both arms over his face. He is moaning.
“Brenden, are you OK?” I ask feeling sick again.
“It feels like I got hit by a train,” He moans.
“Have you seen Mitch?” I ask wondering where my real clothes are.
Brenden moans again, and then sits straight up. He looks to his left, then his right. He looks at me, and I can see his panic. He doesn’t know where Mitch is either. I help him up as we make our way over to Colin. As Brenden walks into the moonlight, I notice he has something on the right side of his face. I do a double take, and then stop him. Sure enough, it looks like a tattoo or paint. It can’t be. I decide not to say anything at the moment.
“Colin,” I say loud enough to make my head spin again.
“It’s so pretty up here,” Colin says looking out over Provo. He is oblivious to what is going on.
“Colin, have you seen Mitch?” I ask tasting Dr. Pepper in my mouth.
His eyes are blood shot. He looks drugged.
What in the world happened to us!?
I sit down next to Colin as Brenden looks around himself, finally realizing where we are. He looks at me with confusion written all over his face.
“What happened to your face?” Colin asks looking at Brenden.
“What do you mean?” Brenden brings both hands up to his face. “What are talking about?”
I stand up and walk over to him. I take a closer look at his face. It looks like he tattooed his face.
“What is it?” Brenden asks looking at my reaction.
“Ummm,” I am at a loss for words.
“Tell me!” Brenden snaps.
Colin stands up and walks over to us. With a huge grin on his face he says, “Dude, you got a tattoo on your face!”
Brenden looks at me then Colin. He looks at me again, and realizes this is no joke. “How bad is it?” he asks.
“Ummm,” I’m still at a loss for words.
“People get tattoos removed all the time,” Colin says feeling the side of Brenden’s face. “I can’t believe you got a tattoo,” he laughs. Colin turns to walk away, and Brenden and I both see it. On Colin’s back is a tattoo of Gandolf from Lord of the Rings. It covers his entire back. I panic and look at Brenden.
“Check my back,” I ask feeling my back with one of my hands.
Brenden turns me around and laughs.
“What?” I ask not laughing.
“Oh man,” Brenden responds laughing harder.
“Not funny bro, what is it?” I wish I had a mirror.
Just before Brenden can answer, we both hear Colin calling for us. I look above the Y and see Colin standing over something. Brenden and I start running as quickly as we can.
“What is it?” I ask. Colin didn’t need to answer. Sitting below him on the ground were Mitch’s clothes.
“Where’s Mitch?” Brenden asks still feeling his face.
“That’s what I have been asking,” I answer rudely.
All three of us stand in silence. We keep looking at each other. No one dares say a word.
I break the silence, “What’s the last thing you guys remember?”
“Meredeth looked pretty this morning.” Colin answers still smiling. He is still a newlywed, and it shows.
“Seriously, what is the last thing you guys remember?” I ask trying to remember as well.
“I read my poem,” Brenden answers quietly.
Finally it hits me. Brenden read his poem, then he gave us that soda from Wyoming; the soda that tasted just like Dr. Pepper.
“Didn’t we drink something?” Colin asks looking up at the stars. I’m getting worried about him. He is way too happy, especially with the situation we now found ourselves in.
“Brenden, where did you get those drinks?” I ask kindly.
“The Dr. Love drinks?” He responds scratching his head.
“Yes Brenden, where did you get them?”
He thinks for a moment then answers, “I got them from a vendor from the side of the road when Kelsi and I were driving down from Evanston.”
“You bought soda from a vendor on the side of the road?” I ask wanting a clarification.
“Correct.”
“How is that even possible?” I ask wondering where in world he would have seen a vendor selling soda pop.
“He was selling soda real cheap, and I thought I would take advantage of the good price,” Brenden says looking like he was going to barf.
“Wow, ok.” I say realizing anything is possible in Wyoming.
We all stand in silence. Colin is the only one smiling.
“Guys, where is Mitch?” I feel like I am repeating myself.
No one says a word.
“I wonder what time it is?” Colin asks still smiling.
Brenden and I both look at our phones:
3:45am
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